Forming comparisions 2

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238 Part V: Writing with Style m Robert, who is actually quite honest and not inclined to rob anyone, nevertheless thinks about crime and fashion. The original sentence links a plain-vanilla-no-sprinkles description (honest) with an -ing verb form (not having the inclination to rob anyone). No sale. The answer matches two descriptions, honest and inclined. n He once wrote and edited a newsletter called Crimes of Fashion. The answer matches two past tense verbs, wrote and edited. The original matched a past (wrote) and a past perfect (had edited) without any valid reason for a different tense, so it wasn’t parallel. o To ski and to pursue a career in law enforcement are Robert’s dreams. Pair two infinitives (to ski and to pursue) and you’re fine. Or, pair skiing and pursuing for an alternate correct answer. p If you’ve studied biology, you know that a person must learn the names of hundreds, if not thousands, of organisms. The original sentence shifts from anyone (third person) to you (second person). The correction stays in second. Another possible fix pairs anyone with he or she knows — all third-person forms. q correct. Two questions. No shifts, no problem. r The Amoeba Family provides a good example of the process, so I will explain its name. The original sentence shifts unnecessarily from active (provides) to passive (will be explained). The corrected sentence stays in active voice. True, it contains a shift from third person (talking about the Amoeba Family) to first, but that shift is justified by meaning. s You may not know that the first example of this single-celled organism was named Amy. The original sentence shifts inappropriately from present tense (may not know) to conditional (would have). The tenses in the correction make more sense; the first part is present and the second past, because you may not know right now about something that happened previously. The shift is there, but it’s justified by meaning. The correction has another shift, also justified, from active (may not know) to passive (was named). Because the person giving the name is unknown, the passive must be used. t When they split in half, the new organisms name themselves. The question sentence is non- parallel because it moves from the second person you to the third person organisms. The cor- rection stays in third person (talking about someone), with they and organisms. u The right half of Amy still called herself Amy, but the left half now called herself Bea. In the original, the extra by in the first half of the sentence unbalances the sentence. The correction eliminated the problem by making both parts of the sentence active. v The next time Amy and Bea split, they formed four new organisms. Parallel statements should stay in one person, in this case third person, talking about Amy, Bea, and they. w No one can imagine a conference between four single-celled organisms unless he or she wit- nesses it. The issue here is singular/plural pronouns. The original sentence begins with the sin- gular no one and then shifts illegally to they, a plural. The correction begins with singular (no one again) and stays singular (he or she). x Amy Right Half favored a name that people would notice. The first verb in the original is past, but the second shifts illogically to the future. Penalty box. In the correction, the past tense favored is matched with a conditional (would notice), but that change is logical because Amy is attaching a condition to her choice of name. y Amy Left Half thought about the choice for so long that she neglected her swimming. Why change from active (thought) to passive (was neglected)? Two actives work better.
239 Chapter 18: Practicing Parallel Structure A Bea Right Half, a proto-feminist, opted for “Amy-Bea,” because she wanted to honor both her parents. The original sentence has a meaningless tense shift, from past (opted) to present (wants). The correction stays in past tense (opted, wanted). B Everyone always pronounced “Amy-Bea” very fast, and soon “Amoeba” was the preferred spelling. The original sentence shifts from singular (everyone) to plural (their). The answer avoids the problem by dropping the second pronoun entirely. C Single-celled organisms should have simple names that biology students can remember. The shift from active in the original (should have) to passive (can be remembered) isn’t a good idea. The verbs in the correction (should have, can remember) stay active, jogging for at least an hour a day. D Bea Left Half, by the way, will change her name to Amy-Bea when she reaches the age of seventeen days. The original contains an illogical tense shift. The first verb is future (will change) and the second is past (reached), placing the sentence in some sort of time warp and out of the realm of parallel structure. In the correction, both actions are in the future (will change, when she reaches). E You know what teenagers are like; they always have to assert their identities. The corrected sentence stays in plural (teenagers, they), but the original improperly shifts from singular (a teenager) to plural (they). F When she traveled to the biker convention, Lola intended both to show off her new Harley and to display her new tattoo. The paired conjunction here is both/and. The correction pairs two infinitives (to show off and to display), in contrast to the original sentence, which joins a noun (her new Harley) and an infinitive (to display her new tattoo). G Lulu would either accompany Lola or stay home to work on a screenplay about bikers. The elements joined by either/or in the original sentence don’t match. One is a subject-verb combo (Lulu would accompany) and one just a verb (stay). The new version links two verbs (accom- pany and stay). H Neither Lulu nor Lola plans ahead. The corrected sentence links two nouns (Lulu, Lola) with the neither/nor conjunction pair. The original sentence fails the parallelism test because it links a subject-verb (Lulu plans) with a noun (Lola). I Lola writes screenplays not only about bikers but about alien invasions also. The original isn’t parallel because the first element joined by not only/but also includes a verb (writes) but the second doesn’t. The new version joins two prepositional phrases. J Lulu is jealous of both Lola’s writing talent and the award for “best cycle” on Lola’s trophy wall. Here you’re working with both/and. In the original sentence both precedes is, a verb, but no verb follows the and. In the correction, each half of the conjunction pair precedes a noun (talent, award). K Lola not only scorns awards but also refuses to enter most contests. The conjunction pair, not only/but also, links two verbs in the answer sentence (scorns, refuses). The original sentence joins a noun, awards, to a verb, scorns. Mismatch! L correct. The neither/nor combo precedes two nouns in the sentence (award, trophy). Verdict: parallel. M Lulu, on the other hand, wants both the cycling award and the trophy. In the original sen- tence, both comes before a verb (wants), but and precedes a noun (trophy). Penalty box. The new version does better, linking two nouns (award, trophy).
240 Part V: Writing with Style N Not only did Lulu bribe the judges, but she also ran a full-page ad bragging about herself. The two conjunctions (not only/but also) link subject-verb combos in the corrected version (did Lulu bribe, she ran), but in the original these conjunctions link a subject-verb and a verb (did Lulu bribe, ran). Verdict: Five to ten in the grammar penitentiary. O Either the judges were unimpressed with Lulu’s efforts or they liked Lola better. The either/ or pair in the corrected sentence connects two complete sentences (the judges were unimpressed and they liked Lola better). In the original, a description (unimpressed) incorrectly follows either, but a verb (liked) follows or. Dear Mr. Mayor: I do not like complaining to complain or to be a nuisance, but if a 41 person is persecuted, they he or she should be heard. As you know, the 42 proposed new highway not only runs not only through my living room but 43 into my swimming pool as well. When I spoke to the Department of Highways, the clerk was rude and that he took my complaint lightly. He 44 said I should either be glad the road didn’t touch either the breakfast nook 45 or the kitchen. I demand that the issue be taken seriously by you you take the issue seriously. I have written to you three times already, and 46 you will say said that you are “working on the problem.” I am angry and 47 in the mood ready to take legal action. Moving the highway 48 To move the highway or to cancel it entirely is the only solution. I expect 49 you to cooperate and that you will to fire the clerk. 50 Sincerely, Joshua Hickman P You may change complaining to to complain, as I did, or you may change to be to being. Either way makes a parallel sentence. Q A person is singular, but they is plural. I change they to the singular he or she, but if you want to keep they, you may scrap a person and insert people instead. R Each part of the not only/but also pair should precede a prepositional phrase. S The and may link was and took, two verbs, but not a verb (was) and a subject-verb combo (he took). Another way to correct this sentence is to select an adjective to replace he took my com- plaint lightly — dismissive, flippant, disrespectful, or a similar word. Then the verb was precedes two adjectives, rude and dismissive, perhaps. T After the correction, each half of the conjunction pair either/or precedes a noun. In the original, the either comes before a verb (be) and the or before a noun.
241 Chapter 18: Practicing Parallel Structure U The original sentence switches from active (I demand) to passive (be taken . . . by you). The corrected version avoids the shift. V The original shifts from present perfect tense (have written) to future (will say) for no good reason. The correction is in past tense, but that tense is justified by the meaning of the sentence. W Angry is an adjective, but in the mood is a phrase. Ready, an adjective, makes the sentence parallel. X Either two infinitives (my correction) or two -ing forms (Moving and canceling) are acceptable here, but not one of each. Y Two infinitives (to cooperate, to fire) are legal, as are two subject-verb combinations (that you will cooperate and that you will fire) but not one of each.
242 Part V: Writing with Style
Chapter 19 Spicing Up and Trimming Down Your Sentences In This Chapter Creating interesting sentence structures Combining sentences by subordinating Reversing standard order Examining repetition and awkward wording A s I write this, the rain beats down on my window. How glad I am not to be outside! Smiling, I type away, dry and cozy. Compare the above paragraph to the next paragraph: I am writing. The rain beats down on my window. I am glad that I am not outside. I am smil- ing. I type away. I am dry and cozy. Okay, admit it. The first version is better. Why? Because variety is not only the spice of life but the spice of writing as well. In this chapter you practice adding variety to your sen- tences by altering the underlying structure and combining ideas. You also get some scissor practice by cutting repetitive or awkward expressions. Beginning with a Bang: Adding Introductory Elements The spine of most English sentences is subject-verb: Mary walks, Oliver opens, and so forth. Most sentences also have some sort of completion, what grammarians call a complement or an object: Mary walks the dog, Oliver opens the peanut butter. Even when you throw in some descriptions, this basic skeleton is boring if it’s the only struc- ture you ever use. The easiest and most effective way to change the basic pattern is to add an introductory element, which is italicized in the following examples: Sticking her finger in the jar, Agnes curdled the peanut butter. (The introductory verb form tells something Agnes did.) Despite the new polish on her nails, Agnes was willing to eat without a fork. (The intro- ductory phrase gives information about Agnes’s willingness to get down and dirty with the peanut butter.) When she was full, Agnes closed the jar. (The introductory statement has a subject and a verb, she was, and in grammar terms is a clause. Once again, you get more information about Agnes.)