Grief process

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  • Following the unexpected death of my only brother in 1997, I began work on a book about the unique grief experience of surviving adult siblings. In the process of writing Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies, I had the opportunity to speak with thousands of bereaved siblings. During the course of most of these conversations, the subject of grief dreams invariably came up; it was the one topic everyone wanted to discuss.

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  • It was Bertha Pappenheim — the famous “Anna O.” of Josef Breuer’s first experiments with psychoanalysis, and a pioneer social worker in her own right — who first named psychotherapy “the talking cure.” And so it is, as a legion of well-controlled studies documents. Across a surprising variety of psychotherapeutic approaches, verbal exchanges between client and therapist can be powerfully curative — except when they aren’t.

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  • It is unlikely that a person would wake up one morning and say, “Grief, what a concept, I think I’ll make it my life’s work.” That is not how it happened for either of us. We are John W. James and Russell Friedman, and together we represent the Grief Recovery Institute. Here is a little outline of our lives, the institute, and the evolution of The Grief Recovery Handbook. John was thrust painfully into this arena by the death of a child in 1977. After discovering a successful process for completing his grief, he continued his career in the solar energy design business.

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  • This book concerns 88 families and their 157 children who coped with the terminal illness and, ultimately, the death of a parent. It presents a qualitative analysis which complements the quantitative findings reviewed in Chapter 2 of how the families and children responded to these events during the 6 months preceding and the 14 months after the patient died. Five developmentally separable age groups emerged from the data, and the groupings clarified the many ways in which children’s development shaped their responses.

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  • In addition to these reactions, research based on interviews with individuals experiencing grief indicates that such individuals may go through the following processes: trauma, shock, denial (by ignoring warnings or ignoring messages to take protective actions), anger (for example, in the form of emotional outbursts or assigning blame to others), bargaining (trying to find something to mitigate or solve the problem), depression, acceptance of loss and forgiveness.

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