A brief discussion about the Vietnamese and American family

Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> A BRIEF DISCUSSION<br /> ABOUT THE VIETNAMESE AND AMERICAN FAMILY<br /> NGUYỄN THỊ TÚ*<br /> <br /> ABSTRACT<br /> It is an undisputed fact that getting to know a culture is difficult but interesting.<br /> Vietnamese culture or that of any country all over the world conveys its own features<br /> expressing nation and its people’ characters…. Family is a cultural category. Knowing<br /> about family structure, customs and habits is to partially acquire the nation culture. This<br /> article discusses the history of Vietnamese and American family. Family structure, customs<br /> and habits, family member education in Vietnamese and American family are described in<br /> comparison with each other.<br /> Keywords: family customs and habits, family structures.<br /> TÓM TẮT<br /> Một vài nét về gia đình Việt và gia đình Mĩ<br /> Ít ai phủ nhận việc tìm hiểu một nền văn hóa rất khó nhưng thú vị. Văn hóa Việt Nam<br /> hay bất kì một nền văn hóa nào trên thế giới đều mang đậm nét đặc trưng, thể hiện tính<br /> cách dân tộc, tính cách con người… Gia đình là một phạm trù trong văn hóa. Hiểu biết<br /> cấu trúc gia đình, những tập tục, truyền thống trong gia đình là hiểu biết một phần về nền<br /> văn hóa dân tộc. Bài viết đề cập lịch sử gia đình Việt và gia đình Mĩ. Cấu trúc gia đình,<br /> phong tục, thói quen, cách giáo dục thành viên trong gia đình Việt và Mĩ được trình bày rõ<br /> ràng, có sự đối chiếu, so sánh.<br /> Từ khóa: thói quen trong gia đình, cấu trúc gia đình.<br /> <br /> 1. Introduction customs which are sophisticated but<br /> Getting to know a culture is quite exciting. These customs are numerous.<br /> difficult but wonderful. Vietnamese Which are listed here are in a descriptive<br /> culture is said to be an interesting culture. style with some critical thinking. Since<br /> It is a fact that Vietnamese people take this is a kind of cultural prominence, it's<br /> pride in living in a country strongly not easy to judge or say whether these<br /> imbued with national identity. The customs are good or not. In this brief<br /> Vietnamese family is regarded as the discussion I discuss the history of the<br /> most important foundation for the Vietnamese family and its history and the<br /> country's development as well as people's American family. Finally, the comparison<br /> growth. They long for a true and happy between the Vietnamese family and that<br /> family. Vietnamese people always bear in of America is dealt with.<br /> mind “Home Sweet Home“. The 2. Data<br /> Vietnamese family exists with family 2.1. The Vietnamese family and its<br /> history<br /> *<br /> ThS, Trường Đại học Sư phạm TPHCM<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 116<br /> Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 2.1.1. What constitutes a Vietnamese different. In the specific and narrowest<br /> family? sense, a Vietnamese family is a kind of<br /> Families make a country. Whether a families with a husband, a wife, and one<br /> country is prosperous or not depends or more children. However, when a<br /> much on the stability of families. Ho Chi Vietnamese think of their family, he<br /> Minh, the greatest Vietnamese leader, put often thinks about his traditional family<br /> it, with grandfathers, grandmothers [1:323].<br /> “A good society makes good In this article I would like to talk more<br /> families. about a traditional Vietnamese family<br /> Good families make a good society. and the culture expressed in its customs.<br /> The center of a society is families”. 2.1.2. The family changes throughout<br /> “The people or members belonging history/ the family history<br /> to the same line of descent unite into a In the societies of the old times,<br /> Vietnamese family” [1:232]. In the there were kinds of families with the<br /> broadest sense, there are nine generations same blood line (marriages happened<br /> in a traditional Vietnamese family: among the relatives) or kinds of “the<br /> 9 generations of a traditional Palauan” family (men belonging to the<br /> Vietnamese family: same descent shared the same wife).<br /> Cao - Kị: (Father and Mother of According to Professor Vu Ngoc Khanh<br /> father and mother of grandfathers and [3:11], at the beginning of the history of<br /> grandmothers) Vietnamese family, Vietnamese people<br /> Tằng - Cụ: (Father and Mother of only knew Mother, taking no notion of<br /> grandfathers and grandmothers) Father. At that time, Mother of the Sky,<br /> Tổ - Ông: (Grandfather and Mother of the Sea, Mother of the Earth<br /> Grandmother) came into being and impressed the<br /> Khảo (Phụ) – Cha: (Father and Vietnamese much. That, hence, limited<br /> Mother) and influenced the roles of Father. These<br /> Kỉ - Con: (Son and Daughter) families along with their ethics and<br /> Tôn – Cháu: (Grandsons and customs changed with time. Long before<br /> Nieces) the 15th century, the roles of Father were<br /> Tằng tôn - Cháu much more emphasized. Along with<br /> Huyền tôn - Cháu feudalism, the Vietnamese family<br /> All the relatives of the father are became a stable family with its thorough<br /> called “Father Stock”. Those of the and steady ethics and habits. There were<br /> mother are named “Mother stock”. A three kinds:<br /> traditional Vietnamese family has more The most popular kind was a<br /> members than a western or American medium-sized private property family<br /> one. In each family the roles and whose members were workers, farmers<br /> responsibilities of each member are quite owing their property to manual labor.<br /> <br /> <br /> 117<br /> Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> They had to suffer depression from the 2.1.3. The family customs and habits<br /> royals and their lives were full of toil and The family customs play an<br /> moil1. important and outstanding role in<br /> The second kind of family was that forming and preserving a true<br /> of intellectuals with a good educational Vietnamese family. The most significant<br /> background. These intellectuals, most of factors in the Vietnamese family customs<br /> whom were Confucian scholars were are family rituals (gia lễ); famiy ways of<br /> aware of the country's growth and the behavior (gia phong) and family rules<br /> ups-and- downs of history. At this time (gia pháp). These which are taken for<br /> the Vietnam's social system was the granted and which people obey without<br /> feudal system and Vietnamese people questioning are somehow protected by<br /> who had to suffer from Chinese rule were the Vietnamese governmental law. There<br /> influenced by Confucianism, Buddhism, is no doubt that these elements are<br /> Khong Tu's and Lao Tu's patterns of popular to any Vietnamese family<br /> thinking2. member. There will be, however, some<br /> The third is the royal family. habits which have to vary at some extent<br /> Feudalism is connected with noblemen to make them suitable in a specific<br /> and landowners who owed a lot of land situation.<br /> and property. These royals, from whom 2.1.3.1. Family rituals (gia lễ)<br /> people of the medium-sized private The family rituals can be<br /> property family received land to work understood as the family ways of life<br /> and gave money named as “tax” in guaranteeing a family stability and<br /> return, were quite rich3. happiness. They are “the requirements a<br /> After the Revolution in 1945, The Vietnamese family has to meet about<br /> Republic of Vietnam was born. There how to behave or act well to maintain the<br /> were great changes to the Vietnamese family and the country regulations.”<br /> family. The royal families left, the other [3:37]. All the members of the family<br /> kinds of families remained. They took don't have to the rights to violate these<br /> part in the struggle for independence in rules. The family rituals' meaning lies in<br /> Vietnam War. In 1975, when the country the four kinds:<br /> reunited, two kind families came into Quan (“a “hat-wearing “party to<br /> being: the families of officials celebrate the birth of a baby of a<br /> (intellectuals or the white collar) and particular family and the time for the<br /> those of farmers and workers (the blue growth of a member in a family”<br /> collar). Although there were great [7:39].This custom can be traced to<br /> changes to the Vietnamese family, the Chinese custom. As the Chinese custom<br /> customs in a traditional Vietnamese goes, when the person reaches the age of<br /> remained the same and it is worth being twenty, the familyholds a party to mark<br /> taken into consideration. the person's maturity and the time for that<br /> <br /> <br /> 118<br /> Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> person to enter life. This is, according to 2.1.3.2. Family ways of behaviour (gia<br /> Bùi Tấn Niên (1996), no longer practiced pháp)<br /> in Vietnam. Family ways of behavior are things<br /> Hôn (the wedding ceremony). that all members in a family have to bear<br /> Everybody who reaches a certain age will in mind and preserve and things that must<br /> have to get married. The size of the not be violated. Family ways of behavior<br /> wedding ceremony varies, depending of lay much emphasis on family breeding<br /> the financial situation of each family. and education. All opportunities are taken<br /> This ceremony is extremely holy and the to educate children and other members of<br /> most important event in every the family about how to live well and<br /> Vietnamese's lives on the grounds that it usefully. The most important the most<br /> marks somebody's maturity and important thing in this kind of education<br /> responsibility as well as independence. is teaching children the “hiếu” (duties) ;<br /> Tang (the funeral or mourning that is the duties to Father and Mother,<br /> anniversary). Death comes to everybody. grandfather and grandmother. All the<br /> When a Vietnamese dies, he or she will children are taught to show filial piety<br /> be buried carefully by their family towards their parents. Children without<br /> members. This is considered very this personality are spoiled children. One<br /> significant in the Vietnamese culture thing to be mentioned here is the care for<br /> because it shows the good relationship the old people. Children in the family<br /> and uprightness among members in the have to understand their grandparents'<br /> family and neighbors. There are a lot of feeling and wishes so that they can please<br /> things to do when a person dies. After the their grandparents. This is a Vietnamese<br /> anniversary of seven days, forty- nine cultural character. This relationship is<br /> days, one hundred days, people celebrate also expressed through the way to<br /> death anniversary and practice offering communicate in the family with many<br /> and worshipping annually which are kinds of addressing people. (not like just'<br /> called “Tế”. Vũ Ngọc Khánh [3] put it; you” or “I” in American way) or Vu Lan<br /> these days are related to what people (this day is similar to Mother's Day in<br /> believe in the symbols of the moon, the Western cultures, in Vietnam; this<br /> sky, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, and holiday is celebrated on the fortnight of<br /> Mars and to what people explain about the lunar July). The gratitude of the<br /> these symbols. children towards their parents and<br /> These family rituals are taken for grandparents is that they worship their<br /> granted and the Vietnamese people parents and grandparents. All Vietnamese<br /> follow these rites to maintain family people are quite aware of this ritual.<br /> stability and relationship among There are anniversaries and ancestor-<br /> members. worshipping days all family members<br /> have to remember. On those days (days<br /> <br /> <br /> 119<br /> Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> which are agreed upon among the Vietnamese people's ancestors to be<br /> members of the family), members of the prepared is the altar, which is extremely<br /> family gather or show their worshipping significant to the Vietnamese family<br /> at their houses. Incense smoke spirals up culture. The altar's size and decoration<br /> and a tray of foods is offered on the altar. depend on the family size or finance of<br /> Besides the ancestors they have to burn that family. Generally, it has 3 layers:<br /> the incense to other supernatural and the The outside is the layer with a<br /> members of the family who die young. plank-bed where members of the family<br /> This is regarded as the most sacred and can sit or stand to worship.<br /> holy part when we talk about Vietnamese The second layer is the incense-<br /> family. The ancestor cult is an important table (placed in front of the altar) on<br /> obligation which the descending which the prerequisite things such as an<br /> generation could never be allowed to incense burner or a joss- stick bowl, three<br /> abandon; that is why in the well-to-do or five wax candle lights made of copper,<br /> families upward, one often deducts from an oil lamp are put.<br /> the inheritance a part of estate which is The third layer is the real place to<br /> called “cultural estate” or “anniversary worship. It is a long table. There are<br /> land”. This land is entreated upon the ancestral tablets; a throne-shaped<br /> head of the extended family or the head receptacle of tablets which is sometimes<br /> of the branch of the family; the latter vermillioned and gilded and decorated<br /> keeps it in order to care for the ancestor's with dragon symbols. Certainly, there are<br /> cult, performed in the cult home of the other kinds of decorations in the altar, for<br /> extended family and in that of the family e.g., the parallel sentences (For example,<br /> branch. Often there is a book that records “Never cast dust into that fountain of<br /> the rank, name, first name also the date of which you have sometimes drunk”) to<br /> birth and decease of the ancestors; the teach children about the love and<br /> book is called the family register. In the gratitude towards their ancestors, or a<br /> wealthy and honorable families, the curtain.<br /> register records often the work and deed 3. The American family<br /> of the ancestors; it amounts to the same 3.1. American family definition<br /> thing as a history of the extended family. The American Home Economics<br /> This kind of writing the family register is Association has defined the family as<br /> not unique in Vietnam. This recording “two or more persons who share<br /> book can be kept twenty or thirty, even resources, share responsibility for<br /> one hundred generations. The ways to decisions, share values and goals, and<br /> choose “lucky” names to give children have commitments to one another over a<br /> and good life lessons are also presented period of time.” We also have to consider<br /> in this kind of anal. One necessary thing the United States Bureau of the Census's<br /> in kowtowing to the memory of the definition of a household (all the people<br /> <br /> <br /> 120<br /> Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> living in a house”. These definitions children under the age of 18. If you say<br /> allows for many different forms of an the word “family” to Americans, this is<br /> American family. probably the picture that comes to our<br /> 3.2. Family structures minds. Yet, in reality, in the 1990s, only<br /> If Americans are asked to name the 8 percent of American households consist<br /> members of their families, family of a working father, a stay-at-home<br /> structure becomes clear. Married mother, and two children under 18. An<br /> American adults will name their husband additional 18 percent of households<br /> or wife and their children, if they have consists of two parents who are both at<br /> any, as their “immediate family”. If they work and one or more children under 18<br /> mention their father, mother, sisters, or living at home. That means that a total of<br /> brothers, they will define them as only 26 percent of households in the<br /> separate units, usually living in separate United States consists of two parents and<br /> households. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and their children. The remaining households<br /> grandparents are considered “extended consist of the following: 30 percent are<br /> family”. The structure of the American married couples without children; 8<br /> family has undergone enormous changes percent are single parents and their<br /> since 1950s. Traditionally, the American children; 11 percent are unmarried<br /> family has been a nuclear family, couples and others living together. And,<br /> consisting of a husband, wife, and their perhaps most startling, in 25 percent of<br /> children, living in a house or an the households, there is someone living<br /> apartment. Grandparents rarely live under alone. [3:1]<br /> the same roof with their married sons; 3.3. Family changes: the reasons and<br /> and daughters, and uncles and aunts the results<br /> almost never do. There are great changes to the<br /> In the 1950s, 70 percent of American family structures, for which the<br /> American households were the “classic” reasons dealt with can be the following:<br /> American family- a husband, wife, and One reason for which families have<br /> two children [3:1]. Claude S. Fischer and changed is due to the continuous increase<br /> Michael Hout in “Century of Difference” in the number of divorces among<br /> write it, “Americans lived predominantly Americans. The United States has the<br /> in two-parent nuclear families throughout highest divorce rate in the world. The<br /> the 20th century. They did so especially increased divorce rate is the result of<br /> in the 1950s”. The father was the several changes in the United States.<br /> “breadwinner” (the one who earned the Women have experienced all increase in<br /> money to support the family), the mother financial and social independence; the<br /> as a “homemaker” (the one who took deindustrialization of the United States<br /> care of the children and did not work has made the unemployment of women<br /> outside the home), and they have two necessary and the public, legal, and<br /> <br /> <br /> 121<br /> Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> religious attitudes toward divorce have working outside the home a necessity<br /> toward greater acceptance. rather than a choice.<br /> Chart 1 CATCHING UP These changes lead to more<br /> Divorce per 100 marriages 25 years ago different family structures (blended<br /> and at last report: families, adoptive families, foster<br /> 1970 latest families, interracial families, married<br /> UNITED STATES 42.3 54.8 couples without children, homosexual<br /> SWEDEN 23.4 44.1 families ...). The most common types of<br /> DENMARK 25.1 44.0 families in America include single-<br /> ENGLAND, WALES 16.2 41.7 parent, childless, and, finally, two-worker<br /> CANADA 18.6 38.3 families. [3:23]<br /> FRANCE 12.0 31.5 In short, the increase in the<br /> HUNGARY 25.0 31.0 proportions of single, unmarried couples,<br /> NEVERTHELANDS 11.0 28.1 and single-parent households has forced a<br /> GREECE 5.0 12.0 change in the traditional perception of the<br /> ITALY 5.0 8.0 nuclear family. The family is still one of<br /> USN&WR Basic Data- The the most idealized institutions in<br /> Population Council, June 1995 America, and the changes that have<br /> Another reason that the traditional occurred, especially during the second<br /> idea of the family has changed to half of this century, are under constant<br /> consider is due to the trend toward scrutiny because of the disruption that<br /> independent living for both the younger some of these changes have seemed to<br /> and older generations. More and more cause. However, it does seem that<br /> adults are remaining single, living Americans are moving away from<br /> together without getting married, waiting emphasizing one specific type of family<br /> longer to get married, delaying having and have begun to accept many different<br /> children, or not having children at all. types.<br /> This attitude toward marriage and the fact 3.4. Family customs<br /> that more women are seeking further 3.4.1. The emphasis on Individual<br /> education and career opportunities has Freedom<br /> resulted in more couples than ever before Americans view the family as a<br /> deciding not to have children at all. group whose primary purpose is to<br /> One last reason for the change away advance the happiness of individual<br /> from the traditional family is the members. The result is that the needs of<br /> economic situation of families and the each individual take priority in the life of<br /> whole country. Although some women the family. In contrast to that of many<br /> have chosen to work, the continual, other cultures, the primary responsibility<br /> increase in the cost of living and the rise of the American family member is not to<br /> in costs of higher education have made advance the family as a group, either<br /> <br /> <br /> 122<br /> Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> socially or economically, nor is it to bring much of the father's status as ruler of the<br /> honor to the family name. This is partly family and lessens the emotional distance<br /> because the Unites States is not an between father and children [3:5]. Since<br /> aristocratic society. Americans the 1960s, there has been a significant<br /> traditionally have held independence and decline in parental authority and<br /> a closely related value, individualism, in children's respect for their parents. This is<br /> high esteem. Parents try to instill these particularly true for teenagers. Some<br /> prevailing values in their children. parents seem to have little control or no<br /> American English expresses these values control over the behavior of their teenage<br /> preferences: children should “cut the children.<br /> umbilical cord', and are encouraged not 3.4.3. Family values<br /> to be “tied to their mothers' apron In Values and Public Policy, Daniel<br /> strings”. In the process of their Yankelovich reports on surveys done on<br /> socialization children learn to “stand on family values. There are 11 points that a<br /> their own two feet”. Receiving a weekly majority of Americans agree are “family<br /> allowance at an early age teaches values”. Yankelovich classifies six of<br /> children to budget their money, preparing them as “clearly traditional”: respecting<br /> them for future financial independence. one's parents, being responsible for one's<br /> Children can “leave the nest” at an early actions; having faith in God, respecting<br /> age and live an independent life. This authority, married to the same person for<br /> independence from parents is not an life, leaving the world in better shape.<br /> indication that parents and children do The other five are “a blend of traditional<br /> not love each other. Strong love between and newer, more expressive values.”:<br /> parents and children is universal and giving emotional support to other<br /> there is no exception in the American members of the family, respecting people<br /> family. Co-existing with such love in the for themselves, developing greater skill<br /> American family are cultural values of in communicating one's feelings,<br /> self-reliance and independence. The respecting one's children, living up to<br /> American desire for freedom from one's potential as an individual.<br /> outside control clearly extends to the In short, the American attitude<br /> family. Americans do not like to have toward the family contains many<br /> controls placed on them by other family contradictions. For example, Americans<br /> members. will tolerate a good deal of instability in<br /> 3.4.2. Equality in the family their families, including divorce in order<br /> Along with the American emphasis to protect such values as freedom and<br /> on individual freedom, the belief in equality. On the other hand, they are<br /> equality has had a strong effect on the strongly attached to the idea of the family<br /> family. In the United States, however, the as the best of all lifestyles. Studies show<br /> democratic idea of equality destroys consistently that more than 90 percent of<br /> <br /> <br /> 123<br /> Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Americans believe that family life is an America. The American people often<br /> important value. move to different parts for work so that<br /> 4. Vietnamese family vs. American many children have little contact with<br /> family their members in the same family, except<br /> 4.1. The family image and ideal at family reunions, (for e.g., at<br /> Both the Vietnamese and the Christmas.)<br /> American have an ideal image about 4.2. The myth of an undifferentiated<br /> families. “The family” evokes a visual family experience<br /> impression and a mental picture of adults In America, people use family in<br /> and children living together comfortably various ways and for various purposes: to<br /> as they go about their lives in mutually find jobs, to build labor union, to wage<br /> satisfying, mutually enhancing, and in a community struggles ... they are acting<br /> harmonious way. It also evokes warmth not only as family members but also as<br /> and physical and psychological women and as men. In Vietnam, the<br /> nurturance in a setting apart from the family is a sacred symbol. Whenever a<br /> troubled world. They hope that family is Vietnamese goes, he or she will certainly<br /> heaven, a place of love and protection, in want to go back home. That is the place<br /> which the relationships between of love and protection and security.<br /> husbands and wives and between parents 4.3. The family education and<br /> and children are especially idealized in independence of the children<br /> the family image. However, the nuclear D.Zim, MB and Etizen, DS [14:38]<br /> family image of the American family is put it, “In America, religion training is<br /> of a family unit consisting, most of the grim and constant. Children are required<br /> time, of a married couple and two or to learn the Bible chapter by chapter”.<br /> more children, uncles or aunts do They are taught to be independent at the<br /> normally not live together. In Vietnam, early age (16 to go out and live on their<br /> the traditional family, most of the time, is own), the self-confidence to start their<br /> an extended family with 3 or 4 own company, to think of new ways to<br /> generations living under the same roof. split atoms. Children are responsible for<br /> The relationship between members in the their own lives. Self-discovery is also<br /> family, namely parents and children, emphasized in the American family.<br /> grandparents and grandsons are somehow There is an increasing decline of parental<br /> different from the American family and influence over children's behavior. To<br /> that of Vietnam. Vietnamese parents have take an example, courtship and mate<br /> a close relationship with their children. selection are not under control of parents.<br /> Close contact is always maintained That is their personal choice. Children in<br /> between family members. They have the America are given more privacy and<br /> sense of community, consensus, and the freedom. The Vietnamese children are<br /> generation gap is not as large as in the not as independent as their counterparts<br /> <br /> <br /> 124<br /> Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> in the USA. Few secrets of the children may demand their undivided attention.<br /> are expected to be kept from parents. They may value the freedom that a<br /> The Vietnamese children are taught about childless relationship enhances. They<br /> the duties in the family, which is may choose this option because of the<br /> emphasized in Vietnamese culture: positive financial consequences of<br /> (children should love their parents, childlessness. The divorce rate in the<br /> children should fear their parents, families in the two cultures is something<br /> children should reverence and honor their to consider. As mentioned in part 2 about<br /> parents, children should give diligent the divorce rate in the American family<br /> heed, to the wholesome instructions and (chart 1), the divorce rate in America is<br /> counsels of their parents, children should the highest in the world. If the couple is<br /> patiently grow better by the needful not happy, the individuals may choose to<br /> chastisements and corrections their get a divorce. Most states have a so-<br /> parents give them, etc.) [1:295]. The called “no-fault” divorce. Divorce is now<br /> relationship with the elderly in the family so common that it is no longer socially<br /> needs to be considered. In America, there unacceptable, and children are so<br /> are centers for the elderly to be taken care embarrassed to say that their parents are<br /> of. Most often they don't live with their divorced. However, sociologists are still<br /> children. In Vietnam, it is the children's studying the long-term psychological<br /> duties to look after their parents, consequences of divorce. In Vietnam,<br /> including their parents-in-law. If he or there are 30.000 cases of divorces.<br /> she doesn't take care of his parents, he or However in Vietnam, the family honor is<br /> she will be supposed not to fulfill his or quite important. Vietnamese culture<br /> her duties and is considered to do the bad requires people to save face and preserve<br /> things. In America: most parents pursue the family happiness. A woman who has<br /> demanding careers and work at jobs with divorced her husband or vice versa will<br /> long hours, little time and energy spent get some bad rumor. Vietnamese people<br /> on their children. The family was blamed appreciate and think highly of “love”<br /> for inhibiting human development. (tình) and “ righteousness” (nghĩa)<br /> Family life takes a back seat. Voluntary between husbands and wives. They think<br /> childlessness and delayed childbearing highly of their loyalty to each other.<br /> happen in this country. Their career goals<br /> <br /> <br /> 1, 2, 3<br /> Vũ Ngọc Khánh, “The Vietnamese family culture”, The history of the Vietnamese family, The National<br /> Culture Publisher, 1998, pp. 11-13.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 125<br /> Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012<br /> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> REFERENCES<br /> 1. Toan Ánh (2002), An overall view of the Vietnamese culture, The Literature<br /> Publisher.<br /> 2. Phan Kế Binh (2002), Vietnamese customs, The Cultural publisher.<br /> 3. Vũ Ngọc Khánh (1998), The culture in Vietnamese family, The National publisher.<br /> 4. Lê Huy Lâm (2000), American studies, The University of Pedagogy, Ho Chi Minh<br /> city, the internal materials.<br /> 5. Nguyễn Thế Long (1999), Family and Nation, The Labor Publisher.<br /> 6. Nguyễn Quang (1997), Something about Vietnamese family, Hanoi Pulisher's.<br /> 7. Phạm Côn Sơn (2000), The family customs, The Youth Publisher.<br /> 8. Lê Thi (1996), Vietnamese family today, The Human and Social Science Publisher.<br /> 9. Claude S., Fischer and Michael Hout (2005), “How Americans lived: Families and<br /> Life Courses in Flux, 1900-2000”, Century of Difference. P.1.<br /> 10. Ellis C. (1993), “Culture Shock! Vietnam”, Times Book International, Singapore<br /> Kuala Lumpur.<br /> 11. Levine D.R, Adela M.B (1993), Beyond Language -Cross-Cultural Communication,<br /> Prentice Hall, INC.<br /> 12. Valves J.M (ed,) (1995), Culture Bound, Cambridge University Press.<br /> 13. Wanning, E. (1995), “Culture Shock! USA”, Times Book International, Singapore<br /> Kuala Lumpur.<br /> 14. Zinn MB, Eitzen D.S (1987), Diversity in American families, Harper and Row<br /> Publishers, NY.<br /> <br /> (Received: 09/4/2012; Revised: 11/5/2012; Accepted: 30/7/2012)<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 126<br />