The appointment sat 1

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5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 192 – THE SAT WRITING SECTION – 10. Which of the following is the most effective combination of sentences 13 and 14 (reprinted below)? (13) We are divided into small teams. (14) Each team chooses a local organization and we donate our time throughout the semester. a. We are divided into small teams, each of which chooses a local organization and we donate our time throughout the semester. b. We are divided into small teams, and we each choose a local organization to which we donate our time to throughout the semester. c. We are divided into small teams and local organizations to donate our time to throughout the semester. d. Divided into small teams, we choose a local organization and donate our time throughout the semester. e. After we are divided into small teams, we choose a local organization to donate our time to throughout the semester. 192
5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 193 – THE SAT WRITING SECTION – Grandma always stressed the importance of edu- A nswers cation to all of us in achieving our goals. Grandma’s example of hard work and her emphasis on education Essay have strengthened me to pursue a college degree, Read these sample responses and note their strengths and eventually a PhD. Even though I will have to and weaknesses. Compare your response to the sam- work to get through school, I know that if Grandma ples given. worked while raising seven children alone, I can han- dle taking care of myself. Her tireless example is Sample 6-point Response truly inspirational. She has also encouraged me in Have you ever imagined how your life would be dif- my chosen career, teaching, because she feels it will ferent if a key person were not in it, like a mother, blend well with family life when I eventually have my father, spouse, or child? Some people are so integral own children. to making us who we are that without them, our very Perhaps the most signiﬁcant legacy Grandma identity would be changed. My grandmother is a has left me is her example of always voicing her key ﬁgure in my life who has left an indelible impres- opinion despite what others may think. Grandma sion on me. She is a woman of great influence would never bow down to prejudice; she never cared because of her stability, her work ethic and her inde- what people would say behind her back. In an age pendent spirit. where segregation in social circles was common, Grandma is the matriarch of our family. Grandma’s dinners after church on Sundays would Because she has a close relationship with us and a look like a United Nations meeting. She would include great deal of wisdom, her seven children and sixteen all races and nationalities, and became close friends grandchildren often seek her out for advice. We look with a very diverse group of people. If someone tried to her for advice on everything from how to potty- to put down another race, she would quickly voice her train a toddler to how to break up with a boyfriend. disagreement. This refusal to be swayed by “popu- Grandma relishes the fact that we ask her for lar” opinion had a huge impact on me, and is a guid- advice, but she never offers it without being sought ing principle in my life today. out. She is like a rock: never-changing. My own par- I certainly would not be the person I am today, ents got divorced when I was twelve, but I always inside or out, without the inﬂuence of my grand- knew that Grandma’s house was a source of sta- mother upon my life. I can only aspire to imitate her bility when the rest of my world seemed tumultuous. in her stability, her work ethic, and her refusal to be This sense of security has helped me face other silenced by other people’s disapproval. challenges as they come along in life, like when we moved during my freshman year of high school. Scoring Explanation Grandma also inspired me to pursue my goals. This essay shows an insightful understanding of the Because of the trials she faced without shrinking assignment. The writer clearly chooses a strong exam- back, I am able to have the strength to work hard ple of an inﬂuential person, and then skillfully devel- and try to realize my dreams. Grandma didn’t have ops her ideas with well-developed and specific it easy. Because she was a single parent from a examples. We learn much about Grandma, and the fairly young age, she had to work and sacriﬁce to writer constantly connects these details back to the support her children. She worked full-time cleaning main idea: that Grandma had a huge impact on her life ofﬁces to save for her children’s college educations. in three major areas. The writer shows an excellent She received no help from the outside and was command of language. There are no grammatical totally independent from her own family’s help. 193
5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 194 – THE SAT WRITING SECTION – gave me extra homework on fractions. During free errors, and she varies her sentence structure to make the time, she set me up on the computer in the back of reading interesting and enjoyable. This essay fully the room with special fraction software. When I addresses all areas of the rubric in a strong way and is ﬁnally got an A on a fraction test, she actually took a good example of clear competence in writing. me out to lunch. Riding with her in her beat-up Volk- swagen was something I’ll never forget. She taught Sample 5-point Response me to work hard and earn the self-respect that “A teacher affects eternity.” This quotation reminds comes from achieving a goal. us that a teacher’s inﬂuence goes far beyond the Maybe the most important effect Miss school year. Many people have pointed to inﬂuential Reynolds had on me was showing me the impor- teachers in their pasts, crediting them with helping tance of a positive attitude. No matter what the cir- them become motivated to rise beyond their cir- cumstances, Miss Reynolds kept her spirits up. She cumstances. In my case, Miss Reynolds, my third never married, and when I was in 8th grade, I heard grade teacher, had a huge impact on the entire she got cancer. Despite her cancer, she continued to course of my life. She inﬂuenced me in three major teach until 3 months before she passed away. areas: education, self-respect and attitude. I will never forget the amazingly positive inﬂu- Miss Reynolds was the most demanding ence Miss Reynolds had on me. I am a different per- teacher I’ve had in my school years. Even though I son today because of the value she placed on was only in third grade, I had at least 90 minutes education, self-respect and a positive attitude. Her of homework every night. The reason none of us legacy is shared not only by me, but by all the stu- resented it, though, was that Miss Reynolds made dents who were lucky enough to be in her class- everything fascinating. She had been in the Peace room. Her footprint’s imprint in the sand of my soul Corps earlier in her life, and she loved to tell us sto- is not easily erased. ries of her teaching experiences there. She always reminded us of how fortunate we were to be in Scoring Explanation America, receiving free public education. She also This student shows a good understanding of the assign- stressed that education would be our ticket out of ment. The writer has a strong, clear thesis, which is the rough neighborhood in which we lived. And as we developed with specific and appropriate examples. saw her constantly reading, she showed us what it Although the examples are adequately developed, the means to be a life-long learner. I think the value I essay might have earned a higher score if the para- place on education, and my desire to be a doctor, graph on “positive attitude” were more concretely can be directly traced to Miss Reynolds’s demand- developed. The paper is well organized, and the writer ing teaching style. shows a good command of written English. The writer On a personal level, Miss Reynolds instilled uses sophisticated vocabulary in many sentences, with self-respect in all her students. She made me few errors. Overall, this shows a clear competence in believe in myself, but I had to earn it. She didn’t writing. compliment us for things that we didn’t earn, but when I really applied myself and mastered some- Sample 4-point Response thing difﬁcult, she genuinely was excited for me. I When someone comes into our lives for a long time, remember, for example, struggling with fractions. I he or she leaves a footprint on our soul. I would say just couldn’t get the concept at eight years old. the biggest footprint in my soul comes from my lit- Miss Reynolds brought in pizza pies, and we had a tle brother, Mario. Even though we’ve never had a fraction party. She worked with me at recess, and 194
5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 195 – THE SAT WRITING SECTION – is a fair response with good ideas that would beneﬁt conversation, Mario is a very big inﬂuence for three from more sophisticated grammar and vocabulary, as main reasons. well as more concrete support. Mario is a peaceful person. He has a brain dis- ease called lissencephaly. That happens when the Sample 3-point Response brain is not bumpy and grooved like it’s supposed to be. He has been like this from birth, and there’s no My mother is the person who inﬂuenced me the cure. But Mario is like a little angel. He sits in his most. She is a very hard worker. She is a very wheelchair and plays with his toys. Even though he devoted mother, and she is tough. is eight years old, he can’t walk or talk. But he has My mother works at Macy’s, cleaning the rest an inner peace that shines in his eyes. He never rooms and straightening up the stock after the seems to worry about anything. He hardly ever cries store closes. It is not an easy job, she does it from or gets upset. He isn’t impatient like the rest of us. 12 midnight til 8 in the morning. My mother wanted He just takes each day, each hour, each minute as to go to college, but her parents didn’t have the it comes. He has taught me about being peaceful no money. She really want us to all go. I would love to matter what is going on around me. make her proud of myself. That would be a great Mario has also taught me about unconditional reward to her for all she did for us. love. Unconditional love means you love someone My mother cares about all the things that no not because of what they can do for you, or what other mothers pay attention to anymore. She won’t they have done for you, but just because you love let me hang out with my friends without calling, no them. boys in the house when she’s not home, I have to Mario also has inﬂuenced me to enjoy the sim- cook and clean, etc. She is a very devoted mother. ple gifts in life. I can run, walk, talk, and learn. Most One day, some lady almost ran me over in of my friends complain about homework, girlfriends, front of my house. My mother went out there and and petty, stupid fights with their friends. But tryd to find what the cause was. Well, the lady Mario, without saying anything, reminds me that it’s starting screaming at my mother, and she was the all good. one at fault! My mother yelled back and even called Not many people have a special gift like Mario the cops on this lady, she isn’t afraid of anybody. in their life. I am really lucky because he has inﬂu- I think I will probably turn out to be just like my enced me, I think, to be a better person. I’ve mother, and that would be ﬁne with me. learned a lot about life from him, how to live and Scoring Explanation how not to live. This response shows a basic understanding of the Scoring Explanation assignment, but little development. The writer lays out This student shows a basic understanding of the assign- three ways her mother has been inﬂuential in her life, ment. By using the example of his brother Mario, he but then fails to adequately develop them with exam- develops a basic response to the question. Unfortu- ples. In the third paragraph, the writer never makes a nately, he uses very little sentence variety, and this connection between her mother’s strictness and being detracts from the strength of the response. The vocab- a devoted mother, an idea introduced in the introduc- ulary is also very basic. There is a fair amount of devel- tion. Also, the author doesn’t really give examples of opment, particularly in the second paragraph, with how her mother has changed her life. There is a weak speciﬁc examples. However, the second body para- introduction with no real “hook,” and a short conclu- graph, about unconditional love, is unsupported. This sion that weakens the organization of the essay. The 195
5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 196 – THE SAT WRITING SECTION – There are also many grammatical errors that seriously sentences are simple and contain noticeable errors, detract from the paper. particularly run-on sentences. Overall, this response shows marginal competence in writing. Sample 1-point Response Sample 2-point Response I think I am the most inﬂuential person, what I do effects eternaty. There is nothing I can’t do if I put Who are the most inﬂutential people? I would say my mind to it. There is always a way to suceed if you politicians, teachers, and writers. Also our friends. try, try again. The only thing that can limmit me is Politicians inﬂuence us because they make laws. We me, I can do all things I put my mind to them. There have to follow them, if we dont, we are going to be in isn’t anything to be afraid of, don’t let anyone keep jail. That is a big inﬂuence on you, where you will you down. There is a way out if you just try to. So spend your life. Teachers make you think a certain don’t be afraid, just believe in yourself, I do and way, or they try to, at least. So they have inﬂuence that’s good enough for me. too. Writers feed our brains for good or bad, their One time, I thought I was defeated, I wanted to also an inﬂuence. Our friends are also a big inﬂuence. be on the swim team so bad, but I had to practice. With kids our age, probly the biggest. I practiced every day in the summer, and then when My friends help me decided what is important school start, I made the team, this shows you have in life. One of my friends, Maria, convinced me to to work hard. break up with my boyfriend. This was probably good, since I want to go to college. So she inﬂuence me Scoring Explanation positive. This student’s essay reveals that she had no under- Writers have also inﬂuenced me. I love to read, standing of the assignment. The essay she wrote is anything I can get my hands on. Sometimes if I’m completely off the topic. Instead of writing about an feeling depressed, reading a book is good for me. It inﬂuential person in her life, she begins to discuss how feels good to escape into somebody else for a while. she is inﬂuential in the ﬁrst sentence, then inexplicably Probably the last group for me is politicians, drifts to other topics. This response basically consists of since I don’t break any laws their not to important inspirational phrases that are very general and unsup- to me. Teachers are more important. ported. There is a total lack of development. The only We should all try to inﬂuence people in our life. example given is totally off-topic. There is no visible That would be a big help. organizational strategy, and the grammar and spelling Scoring Explanation errors make comprehension difﬁcult. This essay shows incompetence in writing. In the meaning category, it is clear that this student had little understanding of the assignment. Instead of focusing on the single most inﬂuential person in his life, Identifying Sentence Errors 1. c. The verb should be in the simple past tense he rambles on in generalities about several inﬂuential groups: politicians, writers, and friends. There is very (penned). Even if the sentence did require the little development, and the ideas are haphazardly past participle form, the helping verb would thrown together without evidence of a plan. The stu- be had, not having. All other underlined por- dent attempts to use examples, which are inappropri- tions are correct. 2. d. The subject of the verb is is antennae, a plural ate for the task. The essay is very disorganized, jumping from one topic to another, making it hard to follow. noun. Thus, the verb must be the plural are. 196
5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 197 – THE SAT WRITING SECTION – The prepositional phrase of the carpenter vari- choice b, the subordinate conjunction while ety may mislead you to believe that variety is clearly and effectively expresses the right rela- the subject, but subjects are never found in a tionship. Choice c’s use of however is correct, prepositional phrase. All other underlined but it is preceded by a comma instead of a portions are correct. semicolon, creating a run-on sentence. Choice 3. a. The proper preposition to use after contrary is d also creates a run-on sentence and does not to—contrary to their expectations. All other offer a coordinating or subordinating con- underlined portions are correct. junction to express the contrast between the 4. e. There is no error in this sentence. The use of two clauses. Choice e repeats the error in a the plural pronoun their agrees with its and adds unnecessarily wordy constructions. antecedent, women. 5. d. This sentence lacks parallel structure. The Improving Paragraphs 9. b. Choice b puts the paragraphs in the most logi- phrase which created should have the same structure as the expansion of. Thus, the sen- cal order. Paragraph 1 introduces the general tence should read . . . and the creation of many topic of student volunteer programs in new programs. schools. Paragraph 3 then moves to a speciﬁc program and describes volunteerism in the author’s school and her particular class. Para- Improving Sentences 6. c. The original item lacks parallel structure. The graph 2 then describes how she beneﬁted from clause where the school is located is not in the that experience; thus, paragraph 2 can only same grammatical form as the other items in come after the description of the program in the series, which are both nouns. Only choice her class in paragraph 3. Finally, paragraph 4 c corrects the error. Choice b places the article (an underdeveloped paragraph) moves from the before only the second item in the series, her speciﬁc personal experience to the broader and choice e places the before only two items. audience with a concluding thought encour- The phrase how many teachers to every student aging others to participate. 10. e. Choice e expresses the chronology more effec- in choice d is not parallel to the two nouns in the series. tively than the other choices by using the 7. d. Choice a has a misplaced modiﬁer. It was the subordinating conjunction After. Choice a is ceremony that was held in 1927, not President unnecessarily wordy and has an overall awk- Coolidge. Choice b retains this error and adds ward construction. Choice b uses a wordy the wordy it was . . . who construction. Choice which phrase and unnecessarily repeats to. c is grammatically correct but not as concise Choice c is illogical; the students are divided as choice d because it uses the passive voice. into teams, but they are not divided into local Choice e is a sentence fragment; removing organizations. Choice d is correct, but is not as which would correct that error. clear as choice e, which includes the 8. b. In choice a, although does not express the cor- chronology and makes it clear that the students rect relationship between the two clauses. In donate their time to a local organization. 197