Writting good or well 3

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193 Chapter 15: Going on Location: Placing Descriptions Correctly A. Even before she passed the road test that was given only twice a month, Julie bought a leather license holder. The license holder is available all the time in a leather goods store, but the test shows up only twice a month. Move the description closer to test and you’re all set. 16. Julie passed the eye examination administered by a very near-sighted clerk with flying colors. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 17. The written test inquired about maneuvers for cars skidding on ice. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 18. Another question inquired about defensive driving, which required an essay rather than a multiple-choice response. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 19. About a week after the written portion of the exam, the Department of Motor Vehicles sent a letter giving Julie an appointment for the road test lacking sufficient postage. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 20. Julie asked her sister to drive her to the testing site before the letter arrived. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 21. Julie’s examiner, a nervous man whose foot kept slamming onto an imaginary brake pedal, constantly wrote notes on an official form. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 22. The first page contained details about Julie’s turning technique, which was single-spaced. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 23. Julie hit only two pedestrians and one tree in the middle of a crosswalk. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________
194 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons 24. The examiner relaxed soon after Julie’s road test in his aunt’s house in Florida. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 25. Julie wasn’t surprised to hear that she had failed her first road test, but the pedestrians’ lawsuit was a shock because the examiner had fainted when the speedometer hit 80. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ Hanging off a Cliff: Dangling Descriptions The most common structure in an English sentence is subject (the person or thing you’re talking about) and verb (a statement of being or action about the subject), in that order. This structure is a good workhorse to carry your meaning to the reader, but it’s a bit boring if overused. To spice up your writing, you may begin some sentences with extra information — introductory descriptions that may resemble verbs but not actually be verbs. (In official grammar terminology, they’re verbals. Verbals can show up elsewhere in the sentence; in this section I’m just dealing with those that introduce sentences.) Usually a comma separates these introductory statements from the main portion of the sentence. Here are a couple of examples, with the introductory description italicized: Dazzled by the reflection from Tiffany’s new diamond ring, Lulu reached for her sunglasses. (The introductory description gives more information about Lulu.) To block out all visible light, Lulu’s glasses have been coated with a special plastic film. (The introductory description gives more information about the glasses.) A variation of this sort of introduction is a statement with an implied subject: While wearing these glasses, Lulu can see nothing at all and thus constantly walks into walls. (The implied statement is While Lulu is wearing these glasses.) All these introductory elements must follow one important rule: The subject of the sen- tence must be what the introduction describes. In the preceding examples, Lulu is the one who is dazzled, Lulu’s glasses are what blocks out light, and Lulu is the one who is wearing the sunglasses. A common error is to detach the introduction from the subject, resulting in a sentence with flawed logic, what grammarians call a dangling modifier or simply a dangler. (English thoughtfully supplies you with plenty of room for error. Here I deal with faulty descriptions at the beginning of a sentence. If you want to avoid misplaced descriptions elsewhere in the sentence, check out the preceding section on misplaced description.) Here are some dangers: Perched on her nose, the stop sign was invisible to Lulu’s eyes. Before buying them, the glasses carried a clear warning, which Lulu ignored. In the first preceding sentence the stop sign is on her nose — not a pretty picture and also not what the writer is trying to say. In the second sample sentence, the expansion of the sentence would read Before the glasses were buying them. Illogical! These corrections tie up the danglers:
195 Chapter 15: Going on Location: Placing Descriptions Correctly Perched on her nose, Lulu’s glasses made the stop sign invisible. Before buying them, Lulu read a warning about the glasses and chose to ignore it. Check out these sentences for danglers and rewrite if necessary. If everything is securely attached, write “correct” in the blank. Your rewritten sentence may differ from the sug- gested answer. No problem, as long as the introductory information refers to the subject. Q. After waiting for a green light, the crosswalk filled with people rushing to avoid Lulu and her speeding skateboard. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ A. After waiting for a green light, people rushed into the crosswalk to avoid Lulu and her speeding skateboard. In the original sentence, the crosswalk is waiting for a green light. The rewritten sentence has the people waiting for an escape hatch from the sidewalk, where Lulu is riding blind, thanks to her non-see-through sunglasses. 26. To skateboard safely, kneepads help. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 27. Sliding swiftly across the sidewalk, a tree smashed into Lulu. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 28. Although bleeding from a cut near her nose ring, a change of sunglasses was out of the question. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 29. To look fashionable, a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 30. While designing her latest tattoo, a small camera attached to the frames of her glasses seemed like a good idea. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 31. Covered in rhinestones, Lulu made a fashion statement with her glasses. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________
196 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons 32. Discussed in the fashion press, many articles criticized Lulu’s choice of eyewear. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 33. Coming to the rescue, Tiffany swiped the offending glasses and lectured Lulu on the irrele- vance of such fashion statements. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 34. To pacify Tiffany and the pedestrians’ lawyers, the glasses eventually went into the trash can. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 35. Being reasonable, Lulu opted for a wraparound stainless steel helmet with UV protection. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ Dazed and Confused: Vague Descriptions If you’ve read the previous sections in this chapter, you already know that the general rule governing descriptions is that they should be near the word they’re describing. If you place a description an equal distance from two words it may describe, however, you present a puzzle to your reader. Not a good idea! Check out this beauty: Protesting successfully scares politicians. Which word does successfully describe? Protesting or scares? You can’t tell. Now look at these corrections: Successful protests scare politicians. Protests scare politicians successfully. Which one should you use? It depends on what you want to say. The point is that each of these sentences is clear, and clarity is a great quality in writing, if not in politics. Check out the following sentences and decide whether they’re clear or unclear. If they’re clear, write “correct” in the blanks. If not, rewrite them. Q. The senator speaking last week voted against the Clarity Bill. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________
197 Chapter 15: Going on Location: Placing Descriptions Correctly A. The senator speaking voted against the Clarity Bill last week. Or, The senator who spoke last week is the one who voted against the Clarity Bill. You may find still other variations. As long as your sentence indicates whether last week is attached to speaking or voted, you’re fine. 36. Running a red light once earned a stiff fine. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 37. Backing away from the traffic cop swiftly caused a reaction. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 38. The ticket he got last summer was a blot on his spotless driving record. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 39. The judge said when the case came to trial he would punish the drivers severely. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 40. The warden of the driving-infraction division soon arrived on the scene. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 41. Speaking to the driver forcefully made the point. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 42. The driver charged with reckless driving recently went to court. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 43. The driver education course redesigned a year ago won an award. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________
198 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons Calling All Overachievers: Extra Practice Placing Descriptions Breathing deeply, check out this yoga instruction manual (see Figure 15-1), which, my lawyer begs me to mention, does not describe real postures that a normal human body can achieve. Do not try these positions at home, but do look for ten errors caused by vague, misplaced, or dangling descriptions. After you find the clunkers, correct them — cross out misplaced words, insert words by using carats, and revise sentences in the margins of this book. Note: The errors have several possible corrections, but in the answers section, I show only one correction for each error. Yoga and Y’all: An Excerpt If you only learn one yoga posture, this should be it. Beginners can even do it. To form the “Greeting Turtle Posture,” the mat should extend from knees to armpits freshly laundered and dried to fluffiness. While bending the right knee up to the nose, the left ankle relaxes. You should almost bend the knee for a minute before straightening it again. Throw your head back now extending each muscle to its fullest, only breathing two or three times before returning the head to its original position. Tucking the chin close to Figure 15-1: Sample the collarbone, the nose should wiggle. Finally, raise the arms to the sky instruction manual and bless the yoga posture that is blue. exercise.