Writting good or well 9

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223 Chapter 17: Apples and Oranges: Improper Comparisons n Singing a shower song with a thick New York accent, she appeared saner than other city residents. If she’s got a New York accent, she’s a city resident. Without the word other, you’re saying that she’s saner than herself. Not possible! o correct. The tourist isn’t a city resident, so he or she may be compared to New Yorkers on the street without the word other. p Is this story less believable than the rest of what you read in this book? The story is in the book, and it can’t be compared to itself. The phrase the rest of differentiates the story but pre- serves the logic. You may also correct this one by writing less believable than any others you read in this book. q You may be surprised to know that it is more firmly fact-based than the other material in this chapter. Your correction must indicate, in any of several ways, that this story is being com- pared to the rest of the dumb jokes I placed in this chapter. The expressions other, rest, or any- thing else can do the job. r Tourists to New York probably go home with stranger stories than visitors to other big cities. New York is a big city, but the original sentence implies otherwise. The insertion of other solves the problem. s New Yorkers themselves, of course, make worse tourists than travelers from other large met- ropolitan areas. New York is a large metropolitan area, and the original indicates that it isn’t. Trouble! Insert other and you’re all set. t correct. New Yorkers are compared to residents of small towns, and that comparison is legal u Celeste described every provision of the Snooty-Harvey Tariff Law, and even more. The orig- inal sentence muddles two comparisons, braiding them together inappropriately. The first com- parison is incomplete. If you untangle it, you get Celeste described every the provisions of the Snooty-Harvey Tariff Law. You can easily see that the untangled comparison doesn’t make sense. The second comparison is in better shape. Untangled it reads Celeste described even more than the provisions of the Snooty-Harvey Tariff Law. One complete and one incomplete comparison isn’t a good idea. The corrected version presents two complete ideas. v Elizabeth concentrated on one of the most important, if not the most important, provisions of the law. Or, Elizabeth concentrated on one of the most important provisions of the law, if not the most important. The original is faulty because the first comparison cannot be com- pleted logically by the words supplied in the sentence. In the original sentence, the first com- parison reads one of the most provisions of the law. Penalty box! The word important is missing. The two corrections supply important. w Celeste’s choice of subject matter was equally important, if not more important than Elizabeth’s. In the original sentence, the first comparison is incomplete: equally Elizabeth’s. In the rewritten version, each separate comparison makes sense. Comparison one: equally impor- tant. Comparison two: more important than Elizabeth’s. x Elizabeth insisted on the same amount of time as Celeste, or even more time than Celeste. In the original sentence the second comparison is incomplete as written. The than is missing. In the corrected version each of the two comparisons works separately. Comparison one: the same amount of time as Celeste. Comparison two: more time than Celeste. y Celeste’s demand for a bowl of pink jellybeans during the lecture was as ridiculous as Elizabeth’s request for green gummy bears, if not more ridiculous. In the original sentence the first comparison is incomplete because it contains only one as. If you untangle it from the second comparison, you hear what’s missing: Celeste’s demand for a bowl of pink jellybeans during the lec- ture was as ridiculous than Elizabeth’s request for green gummy bears. The corrected version con- tains two complete comparisons.
224 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons Pembroke Diner: You Won’t Go Broke, but You Won’t Eat Well Either A recent meal at the Pembroke Diner on 48th Street was most distressing the most distressing experience I’ve had since becoming 26 a restaurant critic. First of all, the tables are as close together, if not closer together, than bus riders during rush hour as close together 27 as bus riders during rush hour, if not closer. I truly did not want to hear my neighbors’ conversation about their grandchildren, who are, they claim, so smart that no IQ test can measure them. Nor did I want to chew 28 each bite of steak for ten minutes because the steak was tougher than any other meat I’ve eaten in my life. The wine list of the Pembroke is the 29 least interesting of all the restaurants in the universe that serve wine. 30 I am, I admit, a wine snob, but even people who drink wine only once a year will have a hard time finding something that is as watery, if not more watery, than the house red as watery as the house red, if not more 31 watery. I was surprised to realize that I was less impressed than the other 32 diners munching happily in the restaurant. Surely the Pembroke can do better! The potato was much more raw than an uncooked steak and 33 more expensive than filet mignon. I recommend that you find a place 34 with better food. The Pembroke must revise its menu and its habits immediately, or the restaurant will be so unpopular that it will go out of 35 business. A The expression most distressing must be placed in context. Your answer probably differs from mine, but as long as it indicates the context, you’re okay. B If you’re doubling a comparison, each separate comparison must be complete. C A so statement must be accompanied by a that statement in order to complete the comparison. D Steak is a meat, so the word other must be inserted. E Your completion may be different from mine, but the context of least interesting must appear. F Each element of a double comparison must be complete. G The critic is clearly a diner, and he or she cannot be less impressed than him- or herself. Insert other and the logic is saved.
225 Chapter 17: Apples and Oranges: Improper Comparisons H You can correct this comparison in about a zillion ways. I’ve provided one possibility, but any- thing you come up with is fine so long as the comparison is complete. I This comparison must be completed. I supply an answer, but don’t worry if yours is different. Just be sure it’s complete. J The so statement can’t make a comparison all by itself; a that statement must be appended.
226 Part IV: All You Need to Know about Descriptions and Comparisons
Part V Writing with Style
In this part . . . C ompleting the exercises in this part is the equivalent of designing clothes for one of the famous Parisian fashion houses. If you can make it through this material, you’ve arrived at the top. The topics in this part include more than grammar; and when you master them, your writing will be as stylish as a supermodel. Chapter 18 tackles parallelism, the grammar term for order and balance in a sentence. (In fashion terms, how not to wear rain boots with an evening gown.) Chapter 19 lets you practice adding variety to sentences, so you don’t end up wearing the same outfit . . . er, structuring every sentence the same way. Chapter 20 concerns the little errors (like wearing something that isn’t black in New York City) that sabotage your writing.